The Airplane Story

From "The Ray Martin Show."

The Michael and Ray Martin had just been talking about the Frank Spencer character and the physical stunts in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em and how Michael got ideas from his own life.

Ray Martin: That was so long ago, that was when you were a young bloke, I mean you wouldn't be a clutz now. You wouldn't have.. you wouldn't do anything..like that..these days..

the Michael: Well, you do, but it's not..you see not everyone will admit that they do things... but I'm stupid enough to admit that.... Who's traveled...you travel long distance on an aircraft. Now this happened on my last visit to Australia..pure..pure purely accidentally..you go to sleep, and I was lucky enough I was in first class so you have these great wide chairs and the feet..the leg thing comes up after about 25..you're trying to look casual as though you've traveled first class all your life and you press a button and suddenly your legs shoot up in the air and then the back goes back and the guy's dinner goes all over him behind and you..just..OK? hehehe and no one speaks to anyone so..I I I settle down for the night, and I put my..I'm next to this older lady who hasn't spoken and I haven't spoken.

Ray: Much older?

M: Quite older yes, I mean I y'know she's quite a bit older yes, so...no, I like older women....but I mean she was..so I'm lying there, and I go to sleep and I've got the eye thing on and the ear plugs in and I can still hear this woman's head set. She's left it plugged in so there's this music playing and it's driving you nuts..it's a gnat somewhere and you want to swat it. So the lights all go out in the cabin and I put my hand gently over to try and pull her plug out...and I could feel her... I just felt her move and my hand is now trapped down the side of her thigh. And I had to give up, I just coughed and pulled my hand out I I... What the hell THAT would do I don't know but I coughed... and I lay there and then an hour later, I'd fallen asleep, I woke up and I thought, I've GOT to go to the bathroom, I've GOT to go to the bathroom, cause all I drink is..I'm drinking water, water on a flight so I creep up...and I can't find the button to put the thing down, so I've got my legs astride this this..the foot rest, and as I went like this I got up and there's a guy lying in front of me with his head here so I get up there...my trouser's burst. ..The front my trousers. I had no belt on so my trouser button FLEW .. on to this guy's chest ..Now, I'm standing there with a mask up to here, earplugs sticking out my ears, my headset's still connected by the way and I I'm sorta trying to get that off without makin..and it's pitch dar..and I'm creeping down this guy's chest to go...and he opened his eyes.. just as I.. and I said it's alright, it's alright...just getting my fly button back. I took my fly button...my pants are now open. I got..and I'm trying to pull them...'cause you DO swell up a little when you fly y'see so I.... well so to speak, I mean, I've got..so I've got my trousers open, so now I've got to maneuver across this woman who's ..who's FLAT out so I go ...know you can't because there's another man there so I get over...I go OVER her and I'm like this...and SHE WAKES UP...and I stand..I've got my trouser's open and she's there and I'm going..it's alright, it's alright..and she's going..huhhuhh..I go, I said... just going to the bathroom. I said, so I'm holding myself in..I get over and so I'm walking now down the aisle and other people are now waking up and LOOKING at this man holding his parts walking I then had to find, I mean this goes on, I had to find a needle and cotton from the... and they're all asleep and I'm sort of banging on curtains saying, have you got a needle and cotton and they're all going...so in answer to your question...No, no those things don't happen to me.

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