Michael and His Kids

From "The Ray Martin Show."

Ray Martin: The Good, the bad, and the ugly...where does your ex-wife fit into that?

The Michael: (Big laughter) No, well, ...I'll preface this story, Gabrielle is now my dearest friend, I mean she's a great great pal of my, so anyway, when it happened, I'd apparently spent too much time at football matches and, when I was working and stuff like this so I used to encourage her like crazy I said "Why don't you come come to the football matches with me. You'll enjoy it. (now in a woman's impatient voice) "I don't want to go to football, OK? OK?" Y'know so I said really, "I don't want to go to football." So I said alright, but there's a cup final, the cup final's really great, I said you'd love the cup final, cause the cup final's REALLY exciting, y'know. "I do NOT want to go to the cup final" so in the end I got her to the cup final. She quite enjoyed it. See so I said y'see? And I thought maybe we're gonna sort of reconcile we'll be OK, and it'll be alright. So I took her every week to the football now, so she used to come to the football with me. So we weren't apart as much as she'd been complaining we had been. So now she complained a bit more, 'cause we were together too much. And so I took her to the football for about 3 months, and she enjoyed it so much...she ran off with the center forward for the team. HA ha ha

Ray: Did she marry him?

The Michael: yes, no, she didn't get married but I mean they were together for many years, I mean she had 2 sons, so it was a serious relationship... so it was just great....I'm really glad I took her to the football... and so I used to get, the thing was, again, with anyone who's had this sort of thing happen to them, it's very funny 15 years later, and I used to get the girls every weekend so I went

Ray: Your two daughters

The Michael: my two daughters, so I used to...they were about 8 and 9. So and and I never ever..we were very good about never involving them in any bigger way than we had to, if you can understand that. We didn't discuss it with them and make it a big deal, about how unhappy we were or anything. So I used to invite them up to the country and I'd cook 'em Sunday lunch and I was into growing everything for myself, I had a year where I was y'know completely ...heheh (circles his finger around his ear in the "crazy" sign). So y'know and they were sitting there eating, and this is where I used to get some stuff for Some Mothers, 'cause Lucy would go .... (now he's making very funny children faces when a child has a mouthful of something they don't like and they are trying to chew it and swallow it..looking up ..gagging it down) (child voice) "Daddy...what was that?" And I'd say, it's good for ya, just eat it up Luce, you'll love it, and then I'd see her leg go (he sort of jumps) and that was Emma kicking her to say it again, because y'know she wasn't the brave one.So Lucy did all these looks, she'd smile at ya and try that, that didn't work, so she'd look at ya like that and then she'd try the bottom lip which she'd try and none of that would work so in the end...

Ray: What..what was it you were giving them?

The Michael: It was very good for them, it was full of iron. But...

Ray: What WAS it?

The Michael: They were nettles, they were nettles.

Ray: Nettles!?

The Michael: Boiled nettles, yes! They were good! They were the soft, they were the little leaves at the top..they..

Ray: Like Stinging Nettles?!?

The Michael: Yes! Yes, but the sting goes out of it, you don't get any....they were great...they were a little tough but they were good....the the spinach hadn't come on ...so I had to y'know I had to give them nettles....so they went home that night...and and went home. Within an hour of them having left the house, the phone went....."Hello..I hear you've been feeding the girls nettles! That's the last you're seeing of them for a month, OK? OK?" So I didn't see the girls for a month! So the next time I saw them...this used to happen all the time, so ...y'know, you write these things down..The next time I took 'em, I said I've got a surprise for ya girls, we're gonna go flying. They said, "Oh, great, Daddy."

Ray: You had a license?

The Michael: No, I didn't have a license then, no...I wasn't gonna fly the plane! I had another friend of mine was gonna fly the plane and I was gonna sit next to 'im lookin' as though I knew every thing that was going on, to impress the girls, ....and make it look...so when they went back they'd tell there mother and say, "He's flying planes now" and she go...so she'd be jealous y'know?..hehehehe... A man has it all figured out y'know? So so I get them out of bed at 8 o'clock in the morning y'know, on a Sunday and youngsters really like that. They LOVE getting up at 8 on a Sunday morning...so I've got this shot of them next to a plane and of me with my arms 'round them both before they go flying and their eyes are like ....OK come on let's get in, and I turn 'round and walk straight into the wing! This was the first step, so we got into the plane, the blood pouring out of my head, so we get in, we flew over London about a thousand feet above Buckingham Palace, had the most incredible time went down the Regent Street, over Fulham (??) Wimbledon, everywhere and uh the girls adored it! Got home, went back, the girls went home that evening..about an hour later...the phone goes....They go in...they say...this is how it happened, they walked in they said to their mother "Oh, we had a great day, Mummy..see you were out." She said "What?" They said "See you were out." She said "How do you know I was out? " They said, "Well, the car wasn't out there" She said, "How do you know the car wasn't out there?" "We flew overhead about 2 o'clock this afternoon"....(then he starts acting like he's a mad Gabrielle, dialing the phone again) "You took the kids flying, OK? Right, that's 4 weeks! I'm calling my lawyer tomorrow!" and I didn't get ...and the final one, I'll bore you with this, this caps everything I said. Right..what would you like me to feed them? How would you like me to drive them around and what would you like me to dr...."I'll send their clothes with them, I'll send the clothes..with them and the food in the in the case...so that you know what to do with them." I said ok, so I get their clothes and I'm going to the opening night of Oliver..so..um there's a friend of mine (he does a big wink) Susan George, ...she's there..so I said, Susan ...could you just stand over there 'cause I don't want it get seen in the paper the next day with Susan George and my two girls..Susan just stand a bit to the left, can ya..while we're being photographed..(laugh) so I've got the two girls, and the Daily Express takes the photograph, and the next day the girls are in the newspaper...um..and..that evening , right?...She's on the phone....So I said..yes? I said...did ya like...She said "Who dressed them?" I dressed them! I dressed them with the clothes ya sent..."Just take a look at the paper, could ya?" I said yes, I've got it right here, I was gonna frame it ...cause I was really proud of the girls, she said "Look at Lucy" I said yes...I'm look--She said, "Can you see anything strange?"..I said..well..She said, "Can you see through?"...I said oh yes I can see the wall behi..I said, yes it's a see-through..She said, "It's not a see-through! That's her nightie!"

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