The Kidney Stone Story

Submitted by Barbara H.

Michael was in the midst of the 6 week shed tour for the MALW concert. They arrived in Atlantic City in the evening and checked into the Taj Mahal. He had a suite with friends staying with him and I think his girls were there as well.

He woke up early in the morning with a "rather bad pain, here (pointing to his side)". He thought it was something he had eaten and decided if he went to the bathroom he would feel better. Half-way to the bathroom, he was on the floor with the pain. He is now laying there, stark naked, and is too embarrassed to call for help. He somehow got to the bathroom and wrapped a towel around him. Meanwhile, one of his guests appeared, found him and called security. They appear en masse, not knowing who it is that is ill. An ambulance is called and the EMT's appear with a wheelchair. They are concerned about what kind of insurance Michael has. Being British, he has none. They all discuss this for about forty-five minutes while he lies there in agony. The decision is finally made to take him to hospital. He puts on some jeans, gets in the wheel-chair and off they go to find the service elevator, which does not work. They end up taking him through the main casino. He is really in terrible pain and is moaning, trying to cover his face so people won't recognize him and think he's drunk or something worse. They arrive at the city county hospital which I'm sure was a zoo. Take him into emergency, take all his clothes and give him a hospital gown, which of course has no back. All around him he can hear screaming, overdose victims, sirens, drunks. A big city ER can be an appalling place if you've never been in one. They won't give him any pain medication because he has no insurance. He throws money at them, trying to get a shot. Four hours (a bit exaggerated, perhaps?) later, he gets a shot and into a room where he promptly passes out.

He is awakened the next morning by someone with a breakfast tray. He is full of dye because they're going to do kidney x-rays that a.m. He says,"Surely I shouldn't eat. I'm full of dye." Person says, No, no, you're in for breast implants. Aren't you Miriam Burnstien? At which point, he lost all faith with the hospital. He checked out as soon as the x-rays were done, much to his doctor's displeasure and performed that night. They gave him a filter to strain his urine to look for the stone. Every bathroom he went into was inevitably full of tall, rowdy cowboys all staring at him and his filter. He never did see the stone, I'm sure, because he threw the filter away and said, "To hell with it."

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